


fear

by Kalpa (orphan_account)



Series: sunshine [6]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Cute, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Hurt and comfort, Romance, Swimming, they go swimming and its really cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 23:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5646382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Kalpa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Jay whispered.</p><p>“I know, but I’ll keep you alive and therefore keep the promise, silly,” he told Jay, and she laughed.</p><p>“Aren’t you technical.”</p><p>“Anything to make you smile, sunshine.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	fear

**Author's Note:**

> heyyy   
> so ive written all of this since last night and throughout school (which im in rn haa) and it was really fun but some girl keeps watching me type this out so its super awkward and ive done no work  
> oh well  
> i hope you guys like this installment !!!  
> (honestly considering if i should delete all of these and just make them in a chapter thing idk tho)

It’s when Jay built every necessary object and component to connect her into the Institute did she even begin to think that she might die. It was a silly thing to finally realize after living in the Wasteland for at least a couple of months and fighting mutated beasts every day, but it was a devastating one at the same time. 

When she finally rubbed grease and grime away after finally completing the final generator that would create enough energy to power every object she’d taken months to make, she had felt a sense of pride, accomplishment. Jay had taken a long, deep breath, smiled to herself and turned to go to the creek to wash off all of the sweat and dirt that caked her skin. And under the dark, night sky was when she realized,  _ I might die there.  _

She didn’t really think too hard about it at first, The sole survivor had simply furrowed her eyebrows, chewing on her lip and slowing down her walking pace as she traveled through the silent roads that had once been alive and loud. Now, she walked with the silent whir of generators and turrets, lighting up lives one way or another. And at first, the emptiness of the roads stuck out to her as she stared at the stars and began to count, covering up every star she passed with her thumb. When she stopped in the road and came across a familiar dim star she had only gotten by once did she drop her thumb, and stand there. 

Jay watched the star twinkle down at her, and thought,  _ That star is a million years away, and might not even be alive. Maybe that’s why it’s so dim; because it’s dead _ . And when she thought that thought, she realized,  _ If something so great can just die, why can’t I?  _

And for some unknown reason, she was scared. Not scared of what came after your heart stopping, but scared of what would happen when it was stopping. She was scared that she would be alone, with blood replacing the air in her lungs and her insides seeing the light of day for the last time. Jay was scared no one would be there to comfort her, to hold her hand and reassure her that she would be okay. 

She was scared she would wake up with a gun to her head, and she would have one second to be awake and alive before that was taken from her as well. But if there was one thing Jay had learned over 238 years of being alive, it was that she was not lucky. 

So under those stars and standing alone in the middle of a merciless Wasteland that took and never gave, Jay knew she would die alone. And she was scared shitless. 

Finally, after a few moments of simply listening to the soft whirr and quiet murmurs among settlers, she began to walk again. She didn’t think of where to go; she just simply let her feet take her anywhere it wanted. 

When she first heard the sound of the creek, Jay was immediately reminded of the few times she took Shaun with her and just sat by it and listened. He would always coo and try to grab her nose, and she would simply bounce him, rock him and kiss his own little nose that resembled hers. But then when she saw the dead colors that the dirty blue cut through, she knew that if she ever found Shaun, sitting by the creek would never be the same.

Then again, what would ever be the same for her?

When Jay was only a few steps away from stepping into the water, she pulled her shirt and pants off, wearing only her sports bra and underwear in the silent and breathless night. The cold air bit her skin, and she savored the feeling as it grounded her in the moment and wouldn’t let her get caught up in what once was and never would be. 

She stood there for a few moments before taking a deep breath, and stepped into the creek. Almost immediately, Jay let out a soft squeal at how cold the water was and stepped out as quickly as possible. The once cold air was now inviting and warm, and she crossed her arms as she sat with just her feet in the water, shivering. 

“I am such a dumbass,” Jay whispered to herself, running her hands through her hair in subtle frustration. She didn’t exactly pinpoint why she was a dumbass, but she knew she was one for two reasons; 1. she was going to bathe in cold water and 2. she just got over a god complex she didn’t even realize she had. 

Humiliation fluttered in her chest as she thought over how she never realized that she would die, and that death could take her at any moment. She could sleep and get a knife in the chest, she could be walking with Hancock and get a bullet put straight in and through her head, she could do another one of her reckless stunts and get killed. Despite all the danger she had been put through, she never had realized that at any second something could go wrong, and there would be no seconds for her to live, no second chance to dodge that one stray bullet or not go to where that Deathclaw was sleeping. 

And it was strange for her to realize it while sitting in the safest place she knew with her feet in the water, body bare except for a few articles and skin caked with the source of her realization in the form of grease, oil and dirt. It was strange, but what wasn’t at that time and that day? Cockroaches the size of a dog roamed the Earth, and giant Mole Rats did too. And there were people who were exposed to such harsh radiation that it mutated them, too. So why was this realization so strange and impactful to Jay?

Maybe because she assumed she would find Shaun and be happy again, or maybe because after ending so many lives it was difficult she was a body that could join the numbers and masses too. 

In the end, Jay didn’t even have the slightest clue about why she was devastated, but she didn’t question it. Instead, she shoved all the fear and humiliation that had swelled up in her chest down, and plunged herself into the creek.

The creek wasn’t too deep; it was up to her waist due to rain a few days prior. However, when she threw herself into it, she was quickly submerged. It was dumb for her to dunk her entire body into highly irradiated water, but at the moment she needed to be grounded, to forget the butterflies and pure terror that was heating up her body. She knew she would most likely die once she was zapped into the Institute, so why be concerned about growing an extra arm or becoming a ghoul? Maybe radiation would save her life. 

_ Dumbass _ , she thought to herself, and she planted her feet on the ground and kicked herself up to the surface.

Jay’s torso was exposed to the cool air, and goosebumps freckled her skin as she wrapped her hands around her arms, shivering. Her hair was slicked by back the water, and pushed back some stray strands that stuck stuck on her face. For a few moments, she simply stood there in the creek, watching the stars as she shivered. 

“Went for a swim without me?” a familiar voice asked, and Jay spun around in surprise, eyes wide. Hancock stood at the end of the small path that led to where she was in the creek, arms crossed as he leaned up against a tree with a smirk on his face. His eyes were barely visible in the dark night, but the light emitted from the moon danced with the reflections of his dark irises. 

Jay smiled brightly at him, crossing her arms as she turned to face him. She felt a blush rise to her cheeks when she saw his eyes flicker to her torso, but the cold from the water and air prevented it from truly forming on her chest. “Didn’t wanna wake up the princess,” she teased, smile cheeky and smug. 

Hancock laughed a raspy laugh, and Jay attempted to ignore the affection and love she felt flutter in her chest at the noise. “Next time wake me up, sunshine. I wouldn’t miss taking a dip with you even if the world was ending.”

“Well, the world’s ended already, so no rush,” she replied. 

“I’m always rushing to be with you, blue.”

“Can’t imagine why,” she chuckled, shaking her head as she turned her back to him. Knowing he couldn’t see her face, she let herself smile largely, letting the fluttering in her chest consume her just for a moment. There was an abrupt and sudden silence as Jay lifted her hair up, wringing water out of it as she smiled to herself. “Cat got your tongue, Hancock?” she teased, turning her head to look at the ghoul. What she did not expect to see was Hancock right behind her in the creek, wearing only his pants with a large grin on his face as he picked her up. A loud scream was ripped from her throat as he picked her up above the water in his arms, yet she was quickly laughing as he spun her around up in the air. 

The cold air kissed her exposed skin as he spun around with her in his arms, loud laughter echoing throughout the cool and quiet land of Sanctuary. The feeling of his cold hands gripping under her knees and against her back send a comforting, loving tingle throughout her body, her skin as she flew in the sky. When Hancock finally slowed down, wild laughter rumbled from her as she wheezed, eyes squeezed shut from pure joy. Hancock was laughing too, and she could feel his eyes printed on her face even before she could see them when she opened her own eyes. The two stared and laughed with each other for a moment before the grin on the ghoul’s face became mischievous.

Jay’s eyes widened, then narrowed as she put her hands on his chest, trying to push him away. “Don’t you fucking dare,” she hissed, and Hancock smirked at her. 

“Now that’s just a challenge, blue,” he told her, and the next thing Jay knew, she was being thrown to the side and dunked in the creek. The cool water bit at her skin as she simply swam underwater, her feet not yet planted on the ground and kicking her up quite yet. She simply remained underwater, chest puffed up with air and hair floating around her. It was simply peaceful, and she let herself simply swim. 

When she did come up, she coughed for a few minutes, gaining the concern of the ghoul to hers side. He walked up behind her and placed his hand on her back, but she spun around with a laugh and shoved him underwater, sprinting away and out of the water as he came back up, sputtering and chuckling to himself. 

Jay giggled to herself as she threw on her shirt, not bothering to slip on her pants. Hancock laughed quietly as he watched her from under his brow, a smirk on his face. Jay laughed and ran away back towards her old house, feet pattering loudly on the destroyed, cracked road. She knew she’d leave trails, but at the moment, she was so focused on the feeling of happiness eliminating her fear that she felt no care whatsoever. 

For just that hour, Jay was alive, and that’s all that mattered. 

When she entered her house, she grabbed one of the few blankets she had, and wrapped it around herself to stay warm. Her breathing was labored from running so hard, and she quickly walked over to her old bed and crawled under the blankets. There was no sign of Hancock anywhere, so she relaxed, getting comfy and closing her eyes. 

“I’ll never understand you, blue,” said a familiar voice, and Jay opened her eyes to see Hancock at the end of her bed, a smile on his face. She grinned up at him, and shrugged. 

“You don’t gotta.”

“But I do, blue.”

“Why?”

“Cuz I care about you.”

“That’s good.”

“You have no idea.”

Silence fell in the room as the two just stared at each other, but it was not awkward. It was a comfortable quiet, where you just simply breathe and live and watch. And so they did all of that with one another, letting themselves take pleasure in just a small, insignificant moment. 

“Why were you swimming in a highly irradiated creek in the middle of the night anyways?” he asked, crossing his arms and leaning up against the wall. 

The comfortable moment was quickly ruined by his interest in her well being, and she silently cursed him for it. She’d hoped he wouldn’t have asked so she wouldn’t have to make up another excuse so he wouldn’t worry and give her a talk like he had on when she’d managed to count past the dim star. Those small, significant moments where he helped her fall even more in love with being alive and being with him were dangerous. She would die, and she couldn’t even imagine what that would do to him. She couldn’t risk destroying him like Nate’s death had destroyed her. 

But under his happy and loving eyes, no excuses came to her lips. Silence had become her friend, and so she settled in with it, looking away from his eyes and shrugging. “I was dirty after finishing construction so I decided to take a bath,” she told him, not lying. Hancock knew better than to believe a quick, short sentence from her, yet he said nothing. All he did was stare until she gave in. 

“I was upset and got caught up in dumb shit so I thought it’d help...ya know...ground me, or something,” she admitted, beating herself up inside for opening up. Opening up meant more love, and more love meant more heartbreak. Hancock nodded, but waited for her to continue. She sighed, licking her lips nervously. “I-I realized that when I go to the Institute, I...I might die,” she whispered, avoiding eye contact with the ghoul. 

He watched her for a moment before speaking. “You never thought that before?” he asked.

“I have but like...it’s never really hit, and I don’t know why,” she told him. 

“Maybe before you had nothing to lose,” he suggested, and Jay knew, staring at him in her destroyed bedroom in a destroyed world, she had everything to lose when it came to him. And maybe that’s why dying terrified her. Maybe because she would lose him, and he would lose her. One day, he would wake up to her dead body like she had, but hopefully not in the same way. But it was all too likely she would die alone, and she didn’t want Hancock to be the one to come across her mutilated body 

And that’s why death scared her. 

“I think so,” she murmured, avoiding all eye contact with him as her thoughts raced around in her head. Silence fell again for a few moments, where Jay was breathless with fear and Hancock was breathless with love. But neither of them knew that, and so the silence continued to stretch. 

Finally, Hancock kicked himself off of the wall and walked towards Jay, who watched him with confused and scared eyes. He looked down at her affectionately, his hand lifting to the side of her face as he cupped her cheek. She smiled up at him softly, nuzzling his hand as he bent down and kissed her on the head. “Don’t worry, sunshine. I’ll keep you alive,” he promised, and Jay shook her head in denial under his lips. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” she whispered, and he made a soft noise in acknowledgement. 

“I know, but I’ll keep you alive and therefore keep the promise, silly,” he told Jay, and she laughed. 

“Aren’t you technical.”

“Anything to make you smile, sunshine.”

Under his lips, Jay knew Hancock would never leave her. He would take a bullet for her, travel across the Wasteland for her, hell, maybe even die for her. 

And she knew right when he walked out of her room and left her to her thoughts and cold skin, Jay was fucked. 

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this, PLEASE leave kudos and a comment, even if its small and short !!!  
> it would be awesome!!!  
> thank you~~~!!!


End file.
